Pets & Weddings

“It’s embarrassing,” Mr. Rose said parenthetically, “to still be in this 20-year transition from Ikea.”

“It’s just like, are we doing this, or not?” Mr. Rose said of his bedside table. And according to The Gray Lady, Mr. Rose is not alone in his uncertainty.

“I have a complicated relationship with the bedside table. I want it to be something that’s somewhat serene.”

Robin Standefer, NYT

Aw, girl, don’t we all? Like, sometimes I text my bedside table, and by bedside table doesn’t text me back for like, three hours, and then it’s like, should I text again, or is that super-desperate? My bedside table says it wants to keep things casual, but then, my bedside table seems pretty into me, you know?

Other newly acquired high-tech equipment includes two custom-built mobile kennel trucks equipped with air-conditioning

“The camera allows officers to see what is happening and who might be lurking in dark areas like some parts of the subterranean system, the police said. In the event of an accident or a terrorist act, dogs with cameras might be able to get to spaces that officers cannot.”

Abigail Meisel, the NYT

Continuing their methodical takeover of the NYPD with Teutonic efficiency, a new class of German Shepherds (ha?) is set to join the force this month, and when they do, they’ll be dressed to the K-nines. Because unlike the illicit-fruit-hunting beagles over at JFK, these puppies mean business.

Apache, Tank, Elvis, and Ranger have spent the past six months learning to wiggle into danger/track terrorists wearing vests decked out with $9,000 Mission Impossible: Dog Protocol-style infrared cameras. Because as dog-whisperer/police lieutenant John Pappas sagely observes, “We’re all sheepdogs looking for wolves.”

The Hungarian Spirit

Dr. Erno Hollo, 52, of the Basking Ridge Animal Hospital in New Jersey, has raised Mangalitsas on five acres at his home for three years and says they have few veterinary needs… “They like the freedom to roam around,” he said. “They have the Hungarian spirit.”

Glenn Collins, NYT

Or other working, herding or sporting breeds with prior approval

Unemployment continues to rise (Heyo class of 2010!) That is, if you’re a person. If you’re a dog, the future’s looking flush.

The NYT reports that dogs, unlike interns, increase office productivity:

Mr. Honts found that those who had had a dog to slobber and pounce on them ranked their team-mates more highly on measures of trust, team cohesion and intimacy than those who had not.

NYT Freakonomics Blog, Aug 17, 2010

Yet while Freakonomists are calling for dog in every office and a chicken in every pot, the actual job description seems pretty basic: be a dog. You don’t even have to be THE BEST dog. Probably, it’s totally fine to be a second-rate psych major dog with half a semester of “volunteering” to help “the blind” under your belt collar.

The same cannot be said of the elite applicants making their way through the rigorous screening over at the Department of Homeland Security. Only the crème de la crème over there:

According to the Times, Homeland Security is soliciting small breeders for untrained (but “alert, outgoing, active, confident”) purebred dogs:

‘The department is looking for Labrador retrievers, golden retrievers, German shepherds, Dutch shepherds, Belgian Malinois “or other working, herding or sporting breeds with prior approval.’”

Tom Scocca for Slate, July 20, 2010

When she’s not around me I’m a little bored

…quoth the understated groom.

And from the bride:

“…he brought me a dozen long-stemmed roses and a glass penguin. How could I resist?

How indeed?

Suitors, take note.