Pets & Weddings

“It’s embarrassing,” Mr. Rose said parenthetically, “to still be in this 20-year transition from Ikea.”

“It’s just like, are we doing this, or not?” Mr. Rose said of his bedside table. And according to The Gray Lady, Mr. Rose is not alone in his uncertainty.

“I have a complicated relationship with the bedside table. I want it to be something that’s somewhat serene.”

Robin Standefer, NYT

Aw, girl, don’t we all? Like, sometimes I text my bedside table, and by bedside table doesn’t text me back for like, three hours, and then it’s like, should I text again, or is that super-desperate? My bedside table says it wants to keep things casual, but then, my bedside table seems pretty into me, you know?

It was a really big coup to get him on the Critter Cam

The New York Times reports that the New York Botanical Garden’s foray into surveillance is finally paying off: a beaver was caught by wildlife intelligence yesterday “engaging in beaverish behavior.” The only question? Which of the city’s two known beavers was behaving so beaverishly. 

“Though there is no way to tell whether the beaver is Justin or José, Ms. Rafalko said garden officials feel sure that it is one of the two.”

What, because all beavers look the same?

With his multiple chins and doleful expression, Mit is also exhibiting an undeniable pluck that should serve him well in his new surroundings.

Mitik may be a 15-week-old Alaskan orphan, but inside this country walrus beats the heart of a city walrus.

“If Mit is resting with his head on my lap, sucking my fingers, looking sweetly into my eyes, and Pak comes anywhere near us, he pops up, yells at Pak and tries to head-butt him,” she said. “Then he’ll turn to me and be all cuddly again. We say he is small, but scrappy — the perfect New Yorker.”

Mitik, who arrives at the New York Aquarium on Thursday, had been considering apartments in both Greenwood Heights and Astoria, but ultimately decided the aquarium offered more amenities, like other walruses and being an aquarium.

It’s a shame that it’s come to this

Now, Mr. Oesch tends a herd of dairy cattle and carries a smartphone wherever he goes. Occasionally he gets an SMS from one of his cows.

According to the NYT, Swiss cows are sexting Swiss farmers to let them know when they are in the mood for some NSA bovine action. Modern cows: so casual!

The sensor implanted in the genitals of Fiona or Bella (favorite names for Swiss cows) measures body heat, then transmits the result to a sensor affixed to the cow’s neck that measures body motion. (Cows in heat become restless.) “The results are combined, using algorithms, and if the cow is in heat an SMS is sent to the farmer,” said Claude Brielmann, a computer specialist who helped design the system. The detector on the cow’s neck is equipped with a SIM card so the farmer can pay for the calls.

“It’s like, I’m PAYING her phone bill, so you’d think she could at least text me back,” mumbled one angst-ridden farmer into his Scotch.

I’ll never forget how Julian made salad that night

…recalls a rhapsodic groom. 

“He took the wet lettuce, put it in a pillowcase and spun it dry. I had never seen anyone dry lettuce like that before; I thought it was very ingenious.”

For the happy couple, these truly are their salad days.

Other newly acquired high-tech equipment includes two custom-built mobile kennel trucks equipped with air-conditioning

“The camera allows officers to see what is happening and who might be lurking in dark areas like some parts of the subterranean system, the police said. In the event of an accident or a terrorist act, dogs with cameras might be able to get to spaces that officers cannot.”

Abigail Meisel, the NYT

Continuing their methodical takeover of the NYPD with Teutonic efficiency, a new class of German Shepherds (ha?) is set to join the force this month, and when they do, they’ll be dressed to the K-nines. Because unlike the illicit-fruit-hunting beagles over at JFK, these puppies mean business.

Apache, Tank, Elvis, and Ranger have spent the past six months learning to wiggle into danger/track terrorists wearing vests decked out with $9,000 Mission Impossible: Dog Protocol-style infrared cameras. Because as dog-whisperer/police lieutenant John Pappas sagely observes, “We’re all sheepdogs looking for wolves.”

You want to leave the cat feeling confident

Tail up, head up, he ran along trails, stepped on logs and crashed through twigs. That cat was walking.

Stephanie Clifford, the NYT

“Taking my cat to the park is a great outing, and if Mac is never going to trot alongside me as I walk to brunch, that’s O.K. He is a cat, after all, and I’ve learned that means he’ll only do what he wants to do.”

Boy, it seems like leash training was an educational experience all around!

“Study of a Hydrant, 2011”

The resulting photos offer a look at the world from a dog’s point of view — a lot of “feet and fire hydrants,” said Sean Bryan, a group creative director at McCann Erickson New York

Stuart Elliot, the NYT

Making it as an art photographer is like, really hard. You get your BFA and then maybe also your MFA and then actually you just take headshots of aspiring actors/high school seniors and show your stuff in your Bushwick living room-cum-gallery space and the New York Times totally doesn’t even show up.

Unless you’re on of the mutts participating in Dogtography: A Dog’s Eye View of New York, in which case your first group show is a Big Deal.

Bargain Love

If you’re thinking of proposing to your beloved using Groupon, you’d better establish some habits ahead of time.

“He kept me up all night, making me drink iced tea with dinner and giving me shoulder rubs to keep me awake,” Ms. Burck said, “and then we went on Groupon, which is something we always do.”

The New York Times

Because the couple that gets Up to 56% Off on Eyebrow Shaping together, stays together!

The Hungarian Spirit

Dr. Erno Hollo, 52, of the Basking Ridge Animal Hospital in New Jersey, has raised Mangalitsas on five acres at his home for three years and says they have few veterinary needs… “They like the freedom to roam around,” he said. “They have the Hungarian spirit.”

Glenn Collins, NYT